The Families and Teachers Shared Organisation (FATSO) have issued a proclamation stating that it would be morally reprehensible of them to allow children to be exposed to images of Father Christmas' substantial waistline, as the impressionable young children would inevitably take to power-eating in order to emulate the rotund gift-bringer. Candy Barr of FATSO told Bute News:
"We just don't feel it's right that kids get the impression that it is ok to be fat. Fat people should be hidden away from society, and only winched through their roofs when we need a good laugh or have a sumo wrestling tournament. As parents, we don't have much time for our kids at this or any other time of year, so we expect other people to take responsibility for bringing up our spawn - if my kid turns out to be a fat bastard, you can guarantee that I'll find a way to blame someone else, because it sure as hell won't be my fault."
FATSO's position is not without opposition, however. Local master bakers are cracking off over the proposal, which they say will undermine their efforts to get some cheap publicity. Every Christmas, local traders give free Christmas cakes to schools in the hope that Bute News' downmarket, inferior rival will send a reporter to cover the story, in the hope of filling a few column inches in between stories about how the bus was late once, or that Woolworths have sold out of Shayne Ward CDs. Bob L Head of the Baker's Dozen, a consortium of local bakers, told Bute News:
"They're all a shower of bastards."
We asked Mr Head to elaborate, but he declined to comment further, as he was too busy putting holes in doughnuts.
EDIT: FATSO have asked us to point out that since this story was written, they have contacted all major TV broadcasters in the United Kingdom to ask them to modify their output over what we used to be able to refer to as the Christmas period. High on their list of banning priorities are The Snowman, as it encourages children to run away with strangers made of snow, and The Sound of Music, for encouraging children to escape from the tyrannical rein of Fascism.
