Bute experienced a state of pandemonium recently, when it was alleged that a shark had been washed up on the beach at Ettrick Bay.
According to several islanders, none of whom we could be arsed asking their names, the shark measured somewhere between 4 inches and 75 feet, and had a collar around it's neck saying "property of Her Majesty, Dame Edna Everage."
These rumours were soon rubbished by local wildlife marshal Marshall Wilde. Mr Wilde told Bute News:
"for *censored*'s sake, it was just a *censored* duck. A really big *censored* duck."When asked how it was possible for anyone to confuse a large duck with a shark, Mr Wilde replied
"I don't *censored* know, they both swim in the *censored* water, but that's about *censored* it. *censored* Chinese Whispers mate, ye cannae make this *censored* bull*censored* up."This is, of course, not the first time that one animal has been mistaken for another on Bute. Local man James Wyles is constantly having to remind people who call him "sheep-shagger Jim" that he was actually caught with a goat.
