There was outrage at the end of the 'ButeStars' talent show last weekend, when not one of the approximately 20 acts performed an Abba song.
Show organiser Danny Wills tried his best to diffuse the situation by pointing out to the audience that they had been treated to 5 different groups of dancers, 3 covers of 'Dance The Night Away' by the Mavericks, and 8 versions of Celine Dion's 'My Heart Will Go On,' but the crowd still went home disappointed at the lack of even one solitary rendition of 'Mama Mia.'
Local gossip Mary Hinge explained the feelings of the disappointed crowd:
"it's tradition. Everyone knows that for a talent show to be truly worthwhile, you need to have at least one group doing an Abba song. Otherwise it's just pointless. We paid £4 each to get in here, and they couldn't even give us one Abba song. They took our money, money, money and didn't give us any in return."
We caught up with Mr Wills yesterday to discuss the weekend's incidents.
"None of the entrants wanted to do an Abba song. I asked one of the groups of dancing girls if they might like to dance to an Abba song, but they said they couldn't do it because they didn't know who Abba were and they'd already choreographed their existing routine to ensure maximum arse-shaking with minimum actual effort. The truth is, I'd have been happy to let someone mime an Abba song if it'd have kept everyone happy. In fact, I'd have done it myself if I'd know that I'd end up receiving as many death threats as I have already this week."
As an act of contrition to the infuriated masses, Danny Wills has agreed to organise an Abba-only talent show in 3 weeks time. Anyone wishing to take part should contact Mr Wills ASAP, with details of what song they wish to use, whether they intend to perform it, mime it or dance to it, and to provide an estimation of how mind-numbingly tedious they expect their act to be, on a scale of 1 to 10.
